Do you know? I quit my home country because I thought it was just a bit too weird, but there's nothing weirder than Catholic Americans; because they don't just kill small mammals they eat their young!
The Catholic Anti-Wanking League has called for the ban on any comic book that either suggests that a character is about to or indulges in masturbation, and, more controversially, all comics that a person could find sexually stimulating enough to produce enough friction to produce an orgasm. And, it looks like it might get passed in the US Senate, despite claims by the current administration that wanking is totally normal and even the President does it, or at least one of his aides does.
The comic that is likely to come in for the most criticism is Lost Jizzum, which is one of those weird ideas that only comics creators could come up with. This tells the story of what happens to all the spent manfat that fell onto the island of Lost and how the island's unique properties turns this slightly oily man bi-product into an entire society of sperm creatures; or, to be more scientifically correct, semen creatures, as there is far more of that than there is sperm. The sperms turn into micro-gods, with the power to scare doves and melt ice.
Jordan Cleavage of CAWL has called for calm, "We really need to stay calm!" He said before going onto how people might adopt a more calm approach to the current situation. Later, on Larry King, Mr Cleavage was seen trying to French kiss one of the audience after attempting to gatecrash the recording.
Equal Oppor-tuna
The sales of limes in parts of Florida have fallen dramatically after Mike Carey's latest comic suggested that alien buzz saw creatures lived inside the citrus fruit. Carey said, "Sometimes people struggle to differentiate from the real world and the world of comics. This is totally understandable as we live in a world where all of the things in comics already exist, so comics have to adapt and try to be different. Sometimes idiots struggle to understand this and if it wasn't for their hard earned cash then someone really should just kill these stupid cunts."
Abnormal Orange
Subsequently they had to cancel the print run because the possum's faeces just got smeared all over the finished product. I always said having a printing firm under a possum factory was a bad idea.
Absinthe and Lamb
Behind every great comics creator is usually his or her's boyfriend and it is because this is a world predominantly created by outrageously camp homosexuals, but read by dour and serious business executive types. Is this due to the fact that gay men have better imaginations (presumably from all that shit that gets under their foreskins) or could it be down to something simple like the breed of dog they own? Who, indeed, can say? And perhaps, if someone could say, perhaps they shouldn't; mainly because sometimes things shouldn't be said to make things smoother for all those that follow. It's an act of selflessness that so many people no longer seem to grasp is in their ability; but, this could well be down to the worthlessness of self and the disgust we have of our own paucity. Is it right for heterosexual men to pose as gay men to procure jobs within the richest industry in history? And what of the nerds? Who holds the candle for them? Surely tis they who doth fully expect to inherit the wind, but will probably be struck by a prehensile expression of distaste and ambivalence. Who can say for sure that the world is elliptic? And does it matter when there are starving children, dirty and with their anal passages dripping with pus from constant abuse by comics executives and their henchmen of doom.
Eccentric Marmalade
Possibly the oddest thing I've seen this week was the woman with the prolapsed vagina.
Sven the Viking likes Blue Cheese
An interesting conversation between two secretaries at Marvel was picked up by our bugging devices: Do you douche after all that cock? Sometimes, but I like to feel the editors' cum trickling down my legs during the say, especially when it's cold. What the cum or the weather?
Nihilism and Trolls
Succulent Chinese food to take away for lower than average prices!
Next: pigeon English, dulcet tones, shrimp paste, lemon curry and a pound of sausage meat moulded to look like a fake penis being forcibly inserted into Sian Lloyd's anus.
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