EXCLUSIVE!!! THE MARK MILLAR INTERVIEW! EXCLUSIVE!!!
NFEX caught up with the 3rd most popular person in the world, last week, for a chat about his career.
DS: Hello Mark and welcome. It must have been a disappointment to your father and Gordon Murray that you didn't follow in his footsteps?
MM: Gordon Murray? What are you going on aboot?
DS: Windy Miller. Your father. You were supposed to work for him and be filmed by Gordon Murray, the guy who did all that fly-on-the-wall stuff in that village of Trumpton and it's neighbouring villages, Chigley and Camberwick Green.
MM: I have nae idea what yoo're on aboot? My dad was an itinerant racist thug who worked for a Glaswegian pornographer for most of his life until he was fed to the fishes by a disgruntled social worker.
DS: I'm sorry, my researcher must have got the wrong facts. In that case. let's start again: How tall are you?
MM: Er... Five feet and ten inches. Why?
DS: Because it was most requested question from the website. Over 60,000 people asked this. Do you find being 5 feet and 10 inches a hindrance?
MM: Nae.
DS: When did you decide to take up acting and be an American football star?
MM: I didnae. You're thinking of other Mark Millers and they aren't even spelled the same way as mine is.
DS: Oh. What's your favourite colour?
MM: Don't tell me, it was the 2nd most requested question from your website?
DS: No. I was just interested.
MM: Black.
DS: Technically, black isn't a colour. Still, it's an answer. You've written lots of comics; are there any my readers would have heard of?
MM: You write a comics column?
DS: Yes.
MM: I should think all of your readers have heard of me.
DS: That's very big-headed of you. How can you be so cocksure?
MM: Spider-Man, Superman, the JLA, Fantastic Four, Punisher, Batman, Green Lantern, you name them, I've done them.
DS: Literally as well as metaphorically?
MM: ...
DS: Are you sure you did Green Lantern?
MM: I might have lied about that, but I have done loads.
DS: What was your favourite episode of Batman?
MM: What? The 1960s camp TV series? It would have to be the one where Eartha Kit forces Robin's entire arm up her cunt.
DS: Swedish electro stars appeared in Batman? I have a tortoise called Steve, have you got any strange pets with odd names?
MM: I have a rabbit called Adolf and a bull terrier called Pinky.
DS: When you have sex with your girlfriend, do you find the foreskin gets in the way?
MM: Och, she had hers removed when she was 11.
DS: Much has been said about your great rivalry with Garth Ennis. Do you think the comics industry misses him now he's gone to become a country and western singer?
MM: Isn't that Garth Brooks?
DS: Have you ever eaten an entire packet of biscuits by yourself?
MM: Aye, usually when I'm writing Spider-Man.
DS: Do you know Peter Parker personally?
MM: O'course I doo. He's a bit of a party animal for a man in his 60s.
DS: Your brother Ben claimed for years he had been abducted by aliens in 1979. How do you feel about this?
MM: I didnae even knoo I had a brother called Ben. When did this happen?
DS: Um... 1979.
MM: My granny was stolen as a child by shit faeries.
DS: Shit faeries? What faeries that live in shit?
MM: Nae, they weren't very good.
DS: When I was a child I used to steal my mother's vodka, get very drunk and fall asleep with my arms wrapped around the toilet basin. I always believed there were toilet faeries behind it and they were my friends.
MM: I used to have the same thoughts when I was out of my face on heroin. Now I just imagine that another existence overlaps our own and if we squint very hard we can see the monsters from the Id.
DS: That's nice. What's your take on fat girls?
MM: Rumour has it they try harder, but I find they tend to smell, have sores where the fat parts rub, or, they've gone all leathery. imagine some fat bird who got really massive thighs, after years of them fuckers rubbing together if she hasn't set her pubic hair on fire, she must have leather patches where that soft skin should be. Actually, from my experience, fat girls don't tend to have a lot of pubic hair and what they have is all thin and straggly; the poor cows can't see their minges to trim them.
DS: Grant Morrison recently referred to you as a bit of a girl any thoughts?
MM: It's because I like to wear women's underwear and wank into them when I get an erection.
DS: My researcher claims you have 47 erections, on average, a day. Do you manage to ejaculate every time?
MM: Fooking right I do. There's always about an egg cup full. My wife collects it and uses it to bath the guinea pigs. It's really good for their skin.
DS: I had a friend who fed his guinea pigs oestrogen and they all grew really impressive tits. He then made guinea pig porn movies with them. He couldn't make then talk though. Stubborn big titted buggers they were.
MM: Is that a question?
DS: I understand you've recently been seen at Fortnum and Masons in London?
MM: Yes, I buy my Jerusalem artichokes there.
DS: Max Miller, thank you for your time. Best of luck with the scabies and we'll see you soon!
Tuesday 28 June 2011
Monday 13 June 2011
Poop in My Stew
Loaded Man
Josh Whedon said, "The worst thing about it was being recommended a film that won't be made for four years."
Alec Baldwin offered, "The last time I saw my penis erect was before it was cut off by Claire Forlani."
John Byrne was not so forthright, "I saw a girl's knickers once, but I'll nae tell ye when."
You might think these are all random quotes, and you'd be wrong, because they were all said at a beer festival in Baden-Baden during the summer of 2008.
Wept in a Jar
The largest known mollusk in the world is planning world domination and only the rapping Urban Hip Hop Boy can save the day with his sidekick L'il Bitch.
I Bite My Nails
Our children believe pubic hair is an anathema; thousands upon loads every year are discarding their pubes for the bald, 6-year-old girl look and sparking annoyance in middle America because this proves categorically that all men are paedophiles, or at least those men that salivate over bare poon.
Girls! Having grown men salivate over your private parts is unhygienic; where do you think these people have put their mouths in the past? What if they hadn't flossed? Have you considered what it might be like to pull decomposing food out of your vagina?
Larch Tree Evacuation
When asked if he thought it was natural to thrust an erect member into a hole that was essentially designed as an exit route, Sir Ian McKellen, dressed as Magneto, assured me that the pleasure I would get from it would far outweigh the amount of shit on the bed clothes. I asked if this obsession with shit, blood and sperm was wholely normal and the bastard picked me up on my spelling.
Reich Stag
Mark Waid is petitioning the lord with prayer. He's asking for the word 'custardy' to be included in the same vein as 'jeopardy'. He explains, "If you're in custardy you are literally covered in custard and this has left you in a precarious position, possibly even your life is in danger." When asked by serious journalists if the scenario he paints is ever likely to happen, Waid countered with, "Come round my house on a Friday night and anything is possible, big boy!"
Donut Reprise
Pop Mhan eats eggs. Rachel Scowcroft divines. Martin Pasko is the name of an African Grey Parrot, Bill Sienkiewicz divides his time between train stations, Simon Coleby trains ducks, Mike Carlin inserts rings, Warren Ellis mangles wurzles.
I Want Your Blood
DC's new All-Star Cum Squad is likely to be banned after its depiction of President Obama as a white cocaine dealer with a fright wig. It will be the second DC book to be banned in recent weeks. It follows House of Fornication which was banned for cruelty to otters.
Subsequent Offerings: lard buckets, ping pongs, veritable haberdashery, uncontrollable urges, velcro mushrooms, illuminated torches and wax.
Josh Whedon said, "The worst thing about it was being recommended a film that won't be made for four years."
Alec Baldwin offered, "The last time I saw my penis erect was before it was cut off by Claire Forlani."
John Byrne was not so forthright, "I saw a girl's knickers once, but I'll nae tell ye when."
You might think these are all random quotes, and you'd be wrong, because they were all said at a beer festival in Baden-Baden during the summer of 2008.
Wept in a Jar
The largest known mollusk in the world is planning world domination and only the rapping Urban Hip Hop Boy can save the day with his sidekick L'il Bitch.
I Bite My Nails
Our children believe pubic hair is an anathema; thousands upon loads every year are discarding their pubes for the bald, 6-year-old girl look and sparking annoyance in middle America because this proves categorically that all men are paedophiles, or at least those men that salivate over bare poon.
Girls! Having grown men salivate over your private parts is unhygienic; where do you think these people have put their mouths in the past? What if they hadn't flossed? Have you considered what it might be like to pull decomposing food out of your vagina?
Larch Tree Evacuation
When asked if he thought it was natural to thrust an erect member into a hole that was essentially designed as an exit route, Sir Ian McKellen, dressed as Magneto, assured me that the pleasure I would get from it would far outweigh the amount of shit on the bed clothes. I asked if this obsession with shit, blood and sperm was wholely normal and the bastard picked me up on my spelling.
Reich Stag
Mark Waid is petitioning the lord with prayer. He's asking for the word 'custardy' to be included in the same vein as 'jeopardy'. He explains, "If you're in custardy you are literally covered in custard and this has left you in a precarious position, possibly even your life is in danger." When asked by serious journalists if the scenario he paints is ever likely to happen, Waid countered with, "Come round my house on a Friday night and anything is possible, big boy!"
Donut Reprise
Pop Mhan eats eggs. Rachel Scowcroft divines. Martin Pasko is the name of an African Grey Parrot, Bill Sienkiewicz divides his time between train stations, Simon Coleby trains ducks, Mike Carlin inserts rings, Warren Ellis mangles wurzles.
I Want Your Blood
DC's new All-Star Cum Squad is likely to be banned after its depiction of President Obama as a white cocaine dealer with a fright wig. It will be the second DC book to be banned in recent weeks. It follows House of Fornication which was banned for cruelty to otters.
Subsequent Offerings: lard buckets, ping pongs, veritable haberdashery, uncontrollable urges, velcro mushrooms, illuminated torches and wax.
Sunday 5 June 2011
Standard Child Molestation
The Overtan Way
Over to Gloria Woo with this breaking story...
“Thanks Bob. We’re here in Arlingtonville, Missouri for the trial of Billy-Bob Strange of Flenge. Strange, as some of our viewers might be familiar, is the estranged cousin of the magician and sorcerer supreme, Stephen Strange. Billy-Bob is charged with the sex murders of eleven children and has already courted controversy for sending taunting tapes, letters and videos of himself describing what he did to the parents and family of all the murdered children. Curiously, all the videos the police received from him during his time on a killing spree also had long lengthy footage of blancmange setting, which Billy-Bob has never explained why.
“Strange purchased a two minute slot on an ultra-right wing neofascist group’s radio show and proceeded to describe to the parents’ of Nicola Poom how he had cybermodified his penis so that it had a little digger implement and how instead of just raping their daughter, he actually fucked her a new hole with the diamond tip of his remodified penis, he then asked if they could phone in their address so he could send them photos. Bob, you’ve certainly got to admire this sick puppy’s gall and audacity; in fact I want to scurry away somewhere and fiddle with myself just thinking about it.”
“I know what you mean, Gloria. I have someone giving me a blow job under the table. Here’s Dick with the weather.”
Statue on de Phone
Polythene is something fat girls should be wrapped in and thrown down mines.
Moxy’s Poxy
David Cameron, the director of Avator and Titanic is about to embark on a new career as a basking shark impersonator. Cameron, 53, told Angus Bloor, “It’s all about doing something different. People just associate me with lesbianism and nothing else, so I’m having to think outside the box.”
Silver Toilet
... sorry ...
Silver To Let
World Spangle champion, Roy Thomas, has revealed exclusively to us that he has grown some of the hair under his arm back. Thomas, 70, grew alarmed in his forties when all of his underarm hair fell out, but it seems it’s growing back after a 25 year break.
Handsome Girly
Moss Isley, the only remaining living member of the Isley Brothers, but never actually played with the band is suing George Lucas for a lot of money.
Macaroon Madness
The Pink Hulk gets involved in more homosexual shenanigans in a new sexually explicit graphic novel from Disney’s new Hard Cock imprint. The brainless queen of thump gets caught drying humping a tank by the local gay club who need an extra member to join their glee club and all kinds of spunky mayhem ensues!
Bolivian Horse Meet
Data’s positronic brain has gone on show at the Science and Technology Tower in Metropolis.
Candid Flotsam
I just don’t get my best ideas sitting here, I get my best ideas in the kitchen when I’m dancing around and generally getting into that grove thang that always red lines because thang isn’t a fucking word in the world of bill fuck me Gates and his iron lung wearing sheep dog with the truffle seeking nose and the officer Dibble smile; I bet you hate yourself in the morning after sleeping with that cod and forcing it to felate you while you read the Times and drink dry martinis. The world doesn’t revolve around you, it revolves around a 14 year old Ukrainian girl called Anya who is being forced to have sex with a horse everyday to satisfy the needs of an aging oligarch who can no longer have sex with anything but the animatronic hand of a monkey, but this man’s helper is married to a woman who knows a man who can literally lick his own eyebrows with his tongue, apparently its a rare condition where your tongue is actually six times longer than it should be and also pokes out of your bottom if you strain too hard while having a shit, which, I firmly believe is only half true and my boyfriend Andy believes is irresistibly cute, a bit like Bambi who, of course, watched his mother get murdered by carnivorous cartoon characters.
Notre Timos: poison Ivy, Lord Lou Can, Cor Stick Soda, Russ Tic Seen, Pick Arse Hole the Famous Artist, Minge Baiting, Si Lent, But Dead, Lee, All a Huskey Needs is Mush Room, Leg Inns, Leg Ends, Jesu Swept, Buckets of Lard.
Over to Gloria Woo with this breaking story...
“Thanks Bob. We’re here in Arlingtonville, Missouri for the trial of Billy-Bob Strange of Flenge. Strange, as some of our viewers might be familiar, is the estranged cousin of the magician and sorcerer supreme, Stephen Strange. Billy-Bob is charged with the sex murders of eleven children and has already courted controversy for sending taunting tapes, letters and videos of himself describing what he did to the parents and family of all the murdered children. Curiously, all the videos the police received from him during his time on a killing spree also had long lengthy footage of blancmange setting, which Billy-Bob has never explained why.
“Strange purchased a two minute slot on an ultra-right wing neofascist group’s radio show and proceeded to describe to the parents’ of Nicola Poom how he had cybermodified his penis so that it had a little digger implement and how instead of just raping their daughter, he actually fucked her a new hole with the diamond tip of his remodified penis, he then asked if they could phone in their address so he could send them photos. Bob, you’ve certainly got to admire this sick puppy’s gall and audacity; in fact I want to scurry away somewhere and fiddle with myself just thinking about it.”
“I know what you mean, Gloria. I have someone giving me a blow job under the table. Here’s Dick with the weather.”
Statue on de Phone
Polythene is something fat girls should be wrapped in and thrown down mines.
Moxy’s Poxy
David Cameron, the director of Avator and Titanic is about to embark on a new career as a basking shark impersonator. Cameron, 53, told Angus Bloor, “It’s all about doing something different. People just associate me with lesbianism and nothing else, so I’m having to think outside the box.”
Silver Toilet
... sorry ...
Silver To Let
World Spangle champion, Roy Thomas, has revealed exclusively to us that he has grown some of the hair under his arm back. Thomas, 70, grew alarmed in his forties when all of his underarm hair fell out, but it seems it’s growing back after a 25 year break.
Handsome Girly
Moss Isley, the only remaining living member of the Isley Brothers, but never actually played with the band is suing George Lucas for a lot of money.
Macaroon Madness
The Pink Hulk gets involved in more homosexual shenanigans in a new sexually explicit graphic novel from Disney’s new Hard Cock imprint. The brainless queen of thump gets caught drying humping a tank by the local gay club who need an extra member to join their glee club and all kinds of spunky mayhem ensues!
Bolivian Horse Meet
Data’s positronic brain has gone on show at the Science and Technology Tower in Metropolis.
Candid Flotsam
I just don’t get my best ideas sitting here, I get my best ideas in the kitchen when I’m dancing around and generally getting into that grove thang that always red lines because thang isn’t a fucking word in the world of bill fuck me Gates and his iron lung wearing sheep dog with the truffle seeking nose and the officer Dibble smile; I bet you hate yourself in the morning after sleeping with that cod and forcing it to felate you while you read the Times and drink dry martinis. The world doesn’t revolve around you, it revolves around a 14 year old Ukrainian girl called Anya who is being forced to have sex with a horse everyday to satisfy the needs of an aging oligarch who can no longer have sex with anything but the animatronic hand of a monkey, but this man’s helper is married to a woman who knows a man who can literally lick his own eyebrows with his tongue, apparently its a rare condition where your tongue is actually six times longer than it should be and also pokes out of your bottom if you strain too hard while having a shit, which, I firmly believe is only half true and my boyfriend Andy believes is irresistibly cute, a bit like Bambi who, of course, watched his mother get murdered by carnivorous cartoon characters.
Notre Timos: poison Ivy, Lord Lou Can, Cor Stick Soda, Russ Tic Seen, Pick Arse Hole the Famous Artist, Minge Baiting, Si Lent, But Dead, Lee, All a Huskey Needs is Mush Room, Leg Inns, Leg Ends, Jesu Swept, Buckets of Lard.
Wednesday 1 June 2011
Each Orgasm Is Your Penultimate
Ripe Beans
Clark Kent is on the brink of a fourth term in charge of the world after attempts to delay Wednesday's presidential election failed. The English and Scottish Superhero Associations wanted the election postponed amid allegations of corruption - Kent is accused of having stolen candy from a baby.
English Superhero chairman Captain Britain put the proposal to the World congress but 172 of 206 voters opted against a delay. The vote to formally re-elect Kent will take place later on Wednesday with Bruce Wayne running as his vice-presidential candidate, also unopposed.
"This is typical bull boy tactics used by the most powerful thing on the planet," opined Jack Staff, who was with a group of other heroes at the Wailing Womble pub in Wimbledon. Only 17 votes were registered in their favour, with 17 abstentions. "That's disgusting," growled British Bulldog looking up from his plate of milk. "Fucking Superman. He's just a cunt."
In his address, Britain said: "It gives me no pleasure to make this speech. A lot of people have warned me I shouldn't be making this speech but the world is a democratic organisation. Superman is a twat; we all know it. He stands around all day accepting blow jobs from lowly Indian girls, when he should be out there, fighting crime and saving Lois Lane. The poor woman has been off on the sick for six months; she's at a loose end."
However, Kent had this to say, "If Captain Britain thinks he should do my job I challenge him to an x-ray vision contest at Maplehurst swimming baths on Wednesday. If he can find the woman with three nipples before me, then he can have a go at being elected. but only then."
When challenged by a journalist from the Times, Kent said, "I only talk to the Daily Planet, so if you open your mouth again I'll rip your jaw off and shove it up her," pointing at Angela Rippon, "Twat. Got that shit sniffer?"
The journalist laughed and Ms Rippon couldn't walk until she'd had corrective surgery.
"Just Who Is Molly Ringwald" Asked the president of Namibia. But no one remembered the 80s comedy queen.
Cauliflower Vulva
"I know what you're thinking," said a naked Mindy Newel at a press conference to launch DC's new Catgirl comic. "She's not got the body to pull this off. Well, you'd be right. Just look at this," She said grabbing her saggy left breast and squeezing it until pus ran from the veins. "And I'd show you my front bottom, but it has rats living in there at the moment."
The comic is crap. Literally. It's made out of human faeces, processed to have the colour bleached out, but not the smell.
Vera Hello
Stamp on afterbirths. Not normally a normal instruction; but it's the theme running through Trent Kanuiga's new comic. Aliens, who have impregnated women, have planted seeds in the placentas of women that grow into massive bloody sucking creatures with six eyes and tits to rival Carmen Elecktra. The US government issue a warning to all pregnant women that they must stamp on their afterbirths until the eggs burst.
Kanuiga is receiving psychiatric treatment for eating worms.
May Day May Hem
DC is taking the unusual step of banning any reviews of their comics for the rest of 2011. Grotesquely overweight head of sales Blob Wayne said, "If we see a review of a DC comic on any site over the next 7 months, we're going to sue the perpetrators and demand their testicles be removed." When challenged saying that girls might post a review, Wayne said, "Girls? Read comics? What are you man, an imbecile?" When Heidi Ace MacDonald stood up and suggested that she was a girl, Wayne demanded proof saying MacDonald could be a man dressed in a dress, even though she was wearing jeans and a blouse that prominently showed her still pert breast.
In front of 2000 people, Ace got her cunt out, waved it at the crowd and then put it away under lock and key. Wayne claims the reporter is a transsexual and only did it to upset him.
Green Limes
Rob Liefeld, who has recently relocated to a studio in the black ghetto of Detroit has bought a coon hound and calls it Nigger. The locals think it's hilarious. Liefeld's funeral is being planned.
Eleven Tenths of a Second
Fantasy is big. Fantasy with tits is bigger. Fantasy with tits, cocks, horses with wings and naked children is even better. According to The News of the World, a subscription only newspaper from Ingerland. They prove this by showing a doctored picture of Gandalf impaling a naked cherub on a massive superimposed penis.
Mark My Wards
Doug Hempel claims that comics, 'shouldn't be frightened to show open cunt shots, if it progresses the story." This controversial suggestion was greeted with Mexican waves at a recent convention, but, asked Joyce Chen (not averse to an open cunt shot herself when she's had a few brandys), in what context does it have to be in to make it worthy. "Simple," says Hempel. "If you have a lull in the story, the male members of the comic can grab a female character, disrobe her and examine her cunt for invading aliens." What? Every time? Asked Chen. "Absolutely. Those pesky aliens get everywhere and what better place to hide, but somewhere that's warm, moist and shaved; they all must be shaved."
Chen was seen blowing her brains out on Hemple's cock later in the day.
Never Indecent: Spanish Fly, Pink Faeries, Bowling, Crass Enemas, Beijing Black, Costa Rica Gervais, Bad Breath, Leaky Quim, Typhoid Typhoon, Scallop Brandy.
Clark Kent is on the brink of a fourth term in charge of the world after attempts to delay Wednesday's presidential election failed. The English and Scottish Superhero Associations wanted the election postponed amid allegations of corruption - Kent is accused of having stolen candy from a baby.
English Superhero chairman Captain Britain put the proposal to the World congress but 172 of 206 voters opted against a delay. The vote to formally re-elect Kent will take place later on Wednesday with Bruce Wayne running as his vice-presidential candidate, also unopposed.
"This is typical bull boy tactics used by the most powerful thing on the planet," opined Jack Staff, who was with a group of other heroes at the Wailing Womble pub in Wimbledon. Only 17 votes were registered in their favour, with 17 abstentions. "That's disgusting," growled British Bulldog looking up from his plate of milk. "Fucking Superman. He's just a cunt."
In his address, Britain said: "It gives me no pleasure to make this speech. A lot of people have warned me I shouldn't be making this speech but the world is a democratic organisation. Superman is a twat; we all know it. He stands around all day accepting blow jobs from lowly Indian girls, when he should be out there, fighting crime and saving Lois Lane. The poor woman has been off on the sick for six months; she's at a loose end."
However, Kent had this to say, "If Captain Britain thinks he should do my job I challenge him to an x-ray vision contest at Maplehurst swimming baths on Wednesday. If he can find the woman with three nipples before me, then he can have a go at being elected. but only then."
When challenged by a journalist from the Times, Kent said, "I only talk to the Daily Planet, so if you open your mouth again I'll rip your jaw off and shove it up her," pointing at Angela Rippon, "Twat. Got that shit sniffer?"
The journalist laughed and Ms Rippon couldn't walk until she'd had corrective surgery.
"Just Who Is Molly Ringwald" Asked the president of Namibia. But no one remembered the 80s comedy queen.
Cauliflower Vulva
"I know what you're thinking," said a naked Mindy Newel at a press conference to launch DC's new Catgirl comic. "She's not got the body to pull this off. Well, you'd be right. Just look at this," She said grabbing her saggy left breast and squeezing it until pus ran from the veins. "And I'd show you my front bottom, but it has rats living in there at the moment."
The comic is crap. Literally. It's made out of human faeces, processed to have the colour bleached out, but not the smell.
Vera Hello
Stamp on afterbirths. Not normally a normal instruction; but it's the theme running through Trent Kanuiga's new comic. Aliens, who have impregnated women, have planted seeds in the placentas of women that grow into massive bloody sucking creatures with six eyes and tits to rival Carmen Elecktra. The US government issue a warning to all pregnant women that they must stamp on their afterbirths until the eggs burst.
Kanuiga is receiving psychiatric treatment for eating worms.
May Day May Hem
DC is taking the unusual step of banning any reviews of their comics for the rest of 2011. Grotesquely overweight head of sales Blob Wayne said, "If we see a review of a DC comic on any site over the next 7 months, we're going to sue the perpetrators and demand their testicles be removed." When challenged saying that girls might post a review, Wayne said, "Girls? Read comics? What are you man, an imbecile?" When Heidi Ace MacDonald stood up and suggested that she was a girl, Wayne demanded proof saying MacDonald could be a man dressed in a dress, even though she was wearing jeans and a blouse that prominently showed her still pert breast.
In front of 2000 people, Ace got her cunt out, waved it at the crowd and then put it away under lock and key. Wayne claims the reporter is a transsexual and only did it to upset him.
Green Limes
Rob Liefeld, who has recently relocated to a studio in the black ghetto of Detroit has bought a coon hound and calls it Nigger. The locals think it's hilarious. Liefeld's funeral is being planned.
Eleven Tenths of a Second
Fantasy is big. Fantasy with tits is bigger. Fantasy with tits, cocks, horses with wings and naked children is even better. According to The News of the World, a subscription only newspaper from Ingerland. They prove this by showing a doctored picture of Gandalf impaling a naked cherub on a massive superimposed penis.
Mark My Wards
Doug Hempel claims that comics, 'shouldn't be frightened to show open cunt shots, if it progresses the story." This controversial suggestion was greeted with Mexican waves at a recent convention, but, asked Joyce Chen (not averse to an open cunt shot herself when she's had a few brandys), in what context does it have to be in to make it worthy. "Simple," says Hempel. "If you have a lull in the story, the male members of the comic can grab a female character, disrobe her and examine her cunt for invading aliens." What? Every time? Asked Chen. "Absolutely. Those pesky aliens get everywhere and what better place to hide, but somewhere that's warm, moist and shaved; they all must be shaved."
Chen was seen blowing her brains out on Hemple's cock later in the day.
Never Indecent: Spanish Fly, Pink Faeries, Bowling, Crass Enemas, Beijing Black, Costa Rica Gervais, Bad Breath, Leaky Quim, Typhoid Typhoon, Scallop Brandy.
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