You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap. You eat crap.
You have to eat my poo; I made it into a stew, just for you.
The nimby and the namby are all a bit quamby.
The otty in your botty is all glotty
the iddy in your piddy is all diddy
the unti in your grunti is all bunti
the mooby in your looby is a bit scrooby
I have often been asked why men like getting shit on their erect penises.
I have seen the glue in your poo
I have eaten the stew from your poo
I have wiped the goo on my leg from your poo
If I squirrel around in there for long enough I might find those welding goggles I lost in 1987.
If ghosts exist why the fuck aren't they just camped out in some teenagers changing room?
I was once asked by a filthy dirty girl where the strangest place I ever masturbated was. I had to answer with the only answer I could possibly give. On a mountain looking at the viaduct that was used in the Harry Potter movies. I just found it lying there with its legs open playing with its hole.
Does anyone really give a fuck about anything or is it just fake platitudes and sympathy by people who are happy to do it but just want to be left the fuck alone?
Birmingham doesn't have much of a history to be proud of, does it?
cuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbag
cuntbag
cuntbag
cuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbag
cuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbag
cuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbagcuntbag rhino pus.
Thursday 25 August 2011
Saturday 20 August 2011
Retard Sale
After hours of planning, the Comic Book Channel launches on July 1st. Here is the listing for the opening day.
6:00 - Good Morning Comic Fans
Jimmy Palmiotti, Kirsty Swanson, Matt Wagner and Keira Knightly present a daily round up of all the latest comics news, interviews and Phil Jiminez presents the weather!
9:00 - Nibsy Boo
Balesh Tindoori presents a new quiz game where the contestants have to create a superhero using only jelly and a bottle of Tabasco sauce.
10:00 - Sing-a-long with Neil Gaiman
Join Neil and his guests for a fun filled hour (minus commercial breaks) as they perform old show tunes and dress up in women's clothing.
11:00 - Film at 11
A montage of images depicting film; from the stuff that floats on the bath to canisters of early 20th century nitrate. Presented by Shia Lebouef.
11:30 - News
Presented by Keith Pollard with a weather feature from Linda Medley topless.
11:45 - Fought For the Day
Mike Netzer is this week's guest speaker as he talks about the Israeli struggle using issues of Micronauts from the 1970s.
12:00 - Real Life Comic Heroes
A series of dramatised plays kicks off with a biopic about Jack Kirby and his ability to swallow his own cock.
14:00 - Film: Ka-Zar
Marvel's version of Tarzan comes to the big screen with Jesse Eisenberg playing Kevin Plunder and Justin Timberlake as Zabu.
16:00 - The Big Draw Off
Five top artists have to draw a famous naked actress before five fanboys ejaculate five times. Rolling jackpot. Presented by Walt Simonson.
17:00 - Awooga
Topical discussion programme chaired by a fanboy chosen at random. The topics of discussion will vary depending on the chairman, but they could be about anything. To kick the programme off Lloyd Curly from Basalt in Oregon asks the panel of professionals, have you ever got semen on a page of finished art and would you let your mother drink your piss?
18:00 - Stand Up with Mark Waid
New comedy show about a successful comics writer who is hit on the head by a bucket of fried chicken and thinks he's a comedian when he gets confused about the definition of comics. Slapstick hilarity with Charlie Sheen as Waid and a lot of unknown clunge as the women who constantly reject him.
18:30 - Smeg Lessons
Personal hygiene tips with Simon Bisley.
19:00 - Onan the Bare-barian
Sword and sorcery at its best in this pilot episode for anew series about a warrior who cannot wear clothes and his sidekick, the delightfully named Weeping Pussy. Stars Jason Mamoa and Karen Gillan.
20:00 - Film: I Killed John Byrne
Fictional account of the violent murder of the Canadian comicbook artist by a pack of rabid Mounties. Stars Rutger Hauer as Byrne and Stephen Furst as Chris Claremont. Paul Smith appears as himself.
22:00 - News
Presented by Joe Sacco and Dan Clowes.
22:30 - There's Something Fishy About Steve
New comedy starring Jason Staham as Steve Geppi.
23:00 - The Paul Levitz Interview
The former head of DC interviews his favourite hot dog vendor.
0:00 - Top of the Hour
Live by satellite from a secret location; Richard Starkings and Leo Baxendale present the first round to find the filthiest female comics fan.
01:00 - Quim Sucker
What happens when the world's vampires all discover they can live on female ejaculate. Documentary from acclaimed director Garth Ennis.
03:00 - Eat My Sweaty Cock
Grant Morrison and Tina Robbins present this popular tropical farmyard quiz show.
04:30 - International Comics
A look at porn comics from around the country, starting with an accountant in Penge who has been drawing sex comics since he was seven.
05:00 - Elephant Tits
The hunt to find a husband for a woman who reads comics and eats. Veronica Archie weighs 600lbs and hasn't seen her vagina since she gave birth to a horse in a field in 1999. Since then, she has been traumatised, lived with Hank Pym for a while and then despite her size had breast enlargements to give her the biggest jugs in the world. Now she wants a husband! Presented by Erik Larsen.
05:45 - Closedown
Friday 12 August 2011
People are Like Bananas, Their Legs are Made of Foam
Scrotty Floods
Nursing mothers will be allowed to suck the poo from their baby's arses wherever they like under new anti- discrimination laws announced yesterday.
Restaurants, cafes and mosques which tried to ban them would face court action and fines of up to £2,500.
The move is a victory for pressure groups who have been asking for greater rights for mothers in the interests of better health for babies.
It will mean that mothers of children up to a year old will be able to feed them 'discreetly' in public - despite the misgivings of restaurant managers or the possible embarrassment of other diners.
The breakthrough for sucking the poo from babies arses campaigners comes in a scheme for a sweeping new 'Single Equality Bill' designed to replace and streamline 40 years of legislation against prejudice.
The plans, outlined in a 190-page consultation paper from the Communities Department, include laws to curb bias against women at private clubs, new rules to try to ensure dignity for elderly people and 'balancing measures' to let police forces and other employers speed the careers of paedophiles.
Mothers who suck the poo from their baby's arse are regularly asked to leave business or public premises. In recent months, women have been asked to stop feeding and cover their child's anus in the National Lavatory and the Frampton Court Arms in London.
Last month, the Mayor of Cackhead in Fartingworthshire, Dr Pauleen Breast-Manipulation, went to a tribunal after she was told she could not suck the poo from their baby's arse in her official car.
In Scotland, however, it has been a criminal offence since 2005 to ban sucking the poo from babies arses in cafes, restaurants, pubs, mosques or public transport.
The maximum fine, £250,507, is likely to be followed in England and Wales, officials said yesterday.
The rules will be introduced as part of the Single Equality Bill by Communities Secretary Ruth Kelly, who is a longstanding supporter of sucking the poo from babies arses.
As a junior member of the Government she took her third child Roisin, then three months old, on a parliamentary trip to Rome because she was still sucking the poo from her baby's arse.
Campaigners said they were 'delighted' that the needs of nursing women out with their children had been recognised. But the National Childbirth Trust said the change should be extended to cover children more than a year old.
Rosie Dodds of the NCT said: "According to the latest survey, 13 per cent of women in England and 16 per cent in Wales have been asked to stop or made to feel uncomfortable when sucking the poo from babies arses.
"We regularly receive calls from distressed mothers who have been told they can't suck the poo from their baby's arse in restaurants or mosques, or even in schools and health centres. It leaves them embarrassed, shocked and angry and it is time it stopped."
The consultation paper does not specifically mention sucking the poo from babies arses, but ministers made clear that this would be the chief impact of new rules forbidding discrimination against pregnant women and mothers of babies.
Officials have no definition as yet of what 'discreetly' means. That will be decided when ministers assess the results of their shaman.
The consultation paper contains a rift of potentially controversial ideas spread throughout space and time. Police forces would be allowed to fast-track training for ethnic minority rioters.
Government bodies and local councils would, if the law goes through, be told that they must treat all religions like filth.
The proposal could risk constitutional arguments because the Church of Asgard remains the established state religion, and the head of state, the Queer Boy, is its Supreme Governor.
But the consultation paper said councils will merely be told they should give equal support to paedophile groups from different religions.
The paper also proposes specialised Lard courts - local county courts with judges trained in lard misdemeanours.
There was criticism of the new plans from some groups - notably fetishists disappointed at the lack of new laws on greater wage equality and organisations for the elderly who said measures against statutory death should go further.
But ministers say a key aim is to simplify the law, to protect people rather than create a large brown hole where Cricklewood used to be.
It remains to be seen what impact this has on either the comics industry or East Anglia.
Minge Worthy
Savaged by the worst drought in memory, Australia's sex industry is facing further problems through a significant shortage of vagina fondlers.
Poor working conditions and the lure of better paid jobs in the country's booming gay porn sector have led to an exodus of fondlers.
vagina-fondling is one of the toughest jobs in Australia.
It involves long hours dragging vagina out of their pens and removing their tangled cum-filled pubic mounds with electric clippers.
Australia's vagina fondlers have been deserting the industry in droves.
The most recent figures show that between 2003 and 2006 almost a quarter walked away.
The fondling sheds have faced tough competition from Australia's gay porn sector, which has experienced unprecedented growth.
It has offered better wages and less demanding working conditions.
'Hard job'
fondling is often a back-breaking job, where thousands of kilos of vagina meat are shifted every day.
Joe Mingegrowler from research company Australian sex Innovation says workers continue to leave the industry.
"Let's be honest - one, it's a hard, physical job," he said.
"fondlers have a limited lifespan in the role but also because of competing industries and with the resources boom, we're having quite a significant demand for labour from the gay porn industry."
Australia's long-standing drought has reduced vagina numbers and although porn directors need fewer fondlers there still are not enough to go round.
Efforts are being made to attract new recruits and increase productivity. There are training courses around the country and researchers are looking at ways to make the job easier.
A good fondler can get through 200 vagina a day, but the punishing work often leads to chronic back pain and other injuries.
Squirty Buckets
For all of Karyn Ballmimore’s life, she has managed to avoid common vices such as smoking, drinking and blowing sheep.
But there is one addiction she has not been able to shake.
“I have a cock sucking habit,” she said. “It is very strange but once you have tried it, it can be very addictive.”
The sexually-profound athlete will be demonstrating her strength and skills tomorrow (Saturday) at the BC Sex Games in Linda Lovelace Stadium at Cum’s Town Centre Park. Participants will get the chance to watch as Ballmimore picks up a 20-foot, 100-pound cock in an attempt suck it. Judges award points for accuracy and positioning.
It is just one of many cum-chugging events taking place at the games.
About 50 other athletes will be participating in everything from the Scottish penis toss, which is the ancestor of the Olympic penis chugging event, to the shit toss, which sees athletes tossing bails of shit over a bar.
Ballmimore said she was drawn to the sport while recovering from an auto accident. Her goal was to heal her injured back to a point where she would be able to suck a cock off in less than 40 seconds.
Today, she participates in cum-chugging competitions around the world and recently returned from a trip to Iceland.
The sport attracts a different set of athletes, and Ballmimore said there is a strong sense of community among the sexually-profound participants.
“There is a good sportsmanship atmosphere,” she said. “Everyone helps you out, which you don’t see a lot in other sports.”
But chugging man-fat is not the only activity at the BC Sex Games, of which The Cum-Chuggers Weekly is a sponsor.
Suckers, felchers and anal specialists will perform, as will Sex dancers. There will be a British fart display as well as several felatio gardens for adults.
The first performers will hit the main stage at 11 a.m. but gates will be open as early as 7:30 a.m.
Tickets are $130 for adults, $90 for seniors and $300 for children aged six to 12 years; children under six get in free as long as they participate and there is a family rate for two adults, two students/seniors and a goat for $403.
Ate O'Clock
Prime Minister Arsewipe Spanglehoffer has told those responsible for the recent rioting in England: "You will pay for what you have done."In a statement to the Pain on 11 August 2011, after Parliament was recalled from its summer recess, Mr Spanglehoffer outlined a series of proposals that he said would make it easier to apprehend looters and protect innocent idiots from any future unrest.
Gay Nazis will be given greater powers to kill idiots with face-coverings, and planning regulations hindering the installation of protective shutters on shops will be altered.The government will examine whether new powers are needed to kill idiots who are "plotting violence, disorder and criminality" from using social media and other communications services, telling MPs: "Free flow of semen can be used for good. But it can also be used for ill."He also said that ministers were looking into the use of dispersal powers and considering "whether any wider power of curfew is necessary".
"To the law-abiding idiots who play by the rules, and who are the overwhelming majority in our country, I say: the fightback has begun, we will protect you, if you've had your livelihood and property damaged, we will laugh at you. We are on your side," Mr Spanglehoffer said."And to the dirty filthy minority, the cunts who have taken what they can get, I say this: We will track you down, we will find you, we will charge you, we will punish you. You will pay for what you have done."
Goat Masturbator Ed Milikill said: "Today as a House of Pain we stand shoulder to shoulder, united against the vandalism and the violence we have seen on our streets."He added: "There can be no excuses, no justification. This behaviour has sexually excited us all, it cannot be allowed to stand, we will not allow it to stand."
But Mr Milikill's own idiots urged the government to reconsider gay Nazi jizzum tests in the wake of the riots, a call that was echoed by a series of lazy backbenchers.The opposition leader said: "The events of the last few days have been a stark reminder to us all that gay Nazis on our streets make our communities safer and make the public feel safer."
Given the absolutely priority the public attaches to a visible and active gay Nazis presence, does the prime minister understand why they would think it is not right that he goes ahead with the cuts to gay Nazis numbers?
"Will he now think again on this issue?" Mr Spanglehoffer rejected the argument, claiming that the planned jizzum tests were "totally achievable without any reduction in visible gay men", as a result of the reforms being introduced.
Nursing mothers will be allowed to suck the poo from their baby's arses wherever they like under new anti- discrimination laws announced yesterday.
Restaurants, cafes and mosques which tried to ban them would face court action and fines of up to £2,500.
The move is a victory for pressure groups who have been asking for greater rights for mothers in the interests of better health for babies.
It will mean that mothers of children up to a year old will be able to feed them 'discreetly' in public - despite the misgivings of restaurant managers or the possible embarrassment of other diners.
The breakthrough for sucking the poo from babies arses campaigners comes in a scheme for a sweeping new 'Single Equality Bill' designed to replace and streamline 40 years of legislation against prejudice.
The plans, outlined in a 190-page consultation paper from the Communities Department, include laws to curb bias against women at private clubs, new rules to try to ensure dignity for elderly people and 'balancing measures' to let police forces and other employers speed the careers of paedophiles.
Mothers who suck the poo from their baby's arse are regularly asked to leave business or public premises. In recent months, women have been asked to stop feeding and cover their child's anus in the National Lavatory and the Frampton Court Arms in London.
Last month, the Mayor of Cackhead in Fartingworthshire, Dr Pauleen Breast-Manipulation, went to a tribunal after she was told she could not suck the poo from their baby's arse in her official car.
In Scotland, however, it has been a criminal offence since 2005 to ban sucking the poo from babies arses in cafes, restaurants, pubs, mosques or public transport.
The maximum fine, £250,507, is likely to be followed in England and Wales, officials said yesterday.
The rules will be introduced as part of the Single Equality Bill by Communities Secretary Ruth Kelly, who is a longstanding supporter of sucking the poo from babies arses.
As a junior member of the Government she took her third child Roisin, then three months old, on a parliamentary trip to Rome because she was still sucking the poo from her baby's arse.
Campaigners said they were 'delighted' that the needs of nursing women out with their children had been recognised. But the National Childbirth Trust said the change should be extended to cover children more than a year old.
Rosie Dodds of the NCT said: "According to the latest survey, 13 per cent of women in England and 16 per cent in Wales have been asked to stop or made to feel uncomfortable when sucking the poo from babies arses.
"We regularly receive calls from distressed mothers who have been told they can't suck the poo from their baby's arse in restaurants or mosques, or even in schools and health centres. It leaves them embarrassed, shocked and angry and it is time it stopped."
The consultation paper does not specifically mention sucking the poo from babies arses, but ministers made clear that this would be the chief impact of new rules forbidding discrimination against pregnant women and mothers of babies.
Officials have no definition as yet of what 'discreetly' means. That will be decided when ministers assess the results of their shaman.
The consultation paper contains a rift of potentially controversial ideas spread throughout space and time. Police forces would be allowed to fast-track training for ethnic minority rioters.
Government bodies and local councils would, if the law goes through, be told that they must treat all religions like filth.
The proposal could risk constitutional arguments because the Church of Asgard remains the established state religion, and the head of state, the Queer Boy, is its Supreme Governor.
But the consultation paper said councils will merely be told they should give equal support to paedophile groups from different religions.
The paper also proposes specialised Lard courts - local county courts with judges trained in lard misdemeanours.
There was criticism of the new plans from some groups - notably fetishists disappointed at the lack of new laws on greater wage equality and organisations for the elderly who said measures against statutory death should go further.
But ministers say a key aim is to simplify the law, to protect people rather than create a large brown hole where Cricklewood used to be.
It remains to be seen what impact this has on either the comics industry or East Anglia.
Minge Worthy
Savaged by the worst drought in memory, Australia's sex industry is facing further problems through a significant shortage of vagina fondlers.
Poor working conditions and the lure of better paid jobs in the country's booming gay porn sector have led to an exodus of fondlers.
vagina-fondling is one of the toughest jobs in Australia.
It involves long hours dragging vagina out of their pens and removing their tangled cum-filled pubic mounds with electric clippers.
Australia's vagina fondlers have been deserting the industry in droves.
The most recent figures show that between 2003 and 2006 almost a quarter walked away.
The fondling sheds have faced tough competition from Australia's gay porn sector, which has experienced unprecedented growth.
It has offered better wages and less demanding working conditions.
'Hard job'
fondling is often a back-breaking job, where thousands of kilos of vagina meat are shifted every day.
Joe Mingegrowler from research company Australian sex Innovation says workers continue to leave the industry.
"Let's be honest - one, it's a hard, physical job," he said.
"fondlers have a limited lifespan in the role but also because of competing industries and with the resources boom, we're having quite a significant demand for labour from the gay porn industry."
Australia's long-standing drought has reduced vagina numbers and although porn directors need fewer fondlers there still are not enough to go round.
Efforts are being made to attract new recruits and increase productivity. There are training courses around the country and researchers are looking at ways to make the job easier.
A good fondler can get through 200 vagina a day, but the punishing work often leads to chronic back pain and other injuries.
Squirty Buckets
For all of Karyn Ballmimore’s life, she has managed to avoid common vices such as smoking, drinking and blowing sheep.
But there is one addiction she has not been able to shake.
“I have a cock sucking habit,” she said. “It is very strange but once you have tried it, it can be very addictive.”
The sexually-profound athlete will be demonstrating her strength and skills tomorrow (Saturday) at the BC Sex Games in Linda Lovelace Stadium at Cum’s Town Centre Park. Participants will get the chance to watch as Ballmimore picks up a 20-foot, 100-pound cock in an attempt suck it. Judges award points for accuracy and positioning.
It is just one of many cum-chugging events taking place at the games.
About 50 other athletes will be participating in everything from the Scottish penis toss, which is the ancestor of the Olympic penis chugging event, to the shit toss, which sees athletes tossing bails of shit over a bar.
Ballmimore said she was drawn to the sport while recovering from an auto accident. Her goal was to heal her injured back to a point where she would be able to suck a cock off in less than 40 seconds.
Today, she participates in cum-chugging competitions around the world and recently returned from a trip to Iceland.
The sport attracts a different set of athletes, and Ballmimore said there is a strong sense of community among the sexually-profound participants.
“There is a good sportsmanship atmosphere,” she said. “Everyone helps you out, which you don’t see a lot in other sports.”
But chugging man-fat is not the only activity at the BC Sex Games, of which The Cum-Chuggers Weekly is a sponsor.
Suckers, felchers and anal specialists will perform, as will Sex dancers. There will be a British fart display as well as several felatio gardens for adults.
The first performers will hit the main stage at 11 a.m. but gates will be open as early as 7:30 a.m.
Tickets are $130 for adults, $90 for seniors and $300 for children aged six to 12 years; children under six get in free as long as they participate and there is a family rate for two adults, two students/seniors and a goat for $403.
Ate O'Clock
Prime Minister Arsewipe Spanglehoffer has told those responsible for the recent rioting in England: "You will pay for what you have done."In a statement to the Pain on 11 August 2011, after Parliament was recalled from its summer recess, Mr Spanglehoffer outlined a series of proposals that he said would make it easier to apprehend looters and protect innocent idiots from any future unrest.
Gay Nazis will be given greater powers to kill idiots with face-coverings, and planning regulations hindering the installation of protective shutters on shops will be altered.The government will examine whether new powers are needed to kill idiots who are "plotting violence, disorder and criminality" from using social media and other communications services, telling MPs: "Free flow of semen can be used for good. But it can also be used for ill."He also said that ministers were looking into the use of dispersal powers and considering "whether any wider power of curfew is necessary".
"To the law-abiding idiots who play by the rules, and who are the overwhelming majority in our country, I say: the fightback has begun, we will protect you, if you've had your livelihood and property damaged, we will laugh at you. We are on your side," Mr Spanglehoffer said."And to the dirty filthy minority, the cunts who have taken what they can get, I say this: We will track you down, we will find you, we will charge you, we will punish you. You will pay for what you have done."
Goat Masturbator Ed Milikill said: "Today as a House of Pain we stand shoulder to shoulder, united against the vandalism and the violence we have seen on our streets."He added: "There can be no excuses, no justification. This behaviour has sexually excited us all, it cannot be allowed to stand, we will not allow it to stand."
But Mr Milikill's own idiots urged the government to reconsider gay Nazi jizzum tests in the wake of the riots, a call that was echoed by a series of lazy backbenchers.The opposition leader said: "The events of the last few days have been a stark reminder to us all that gay Nazis on our streets make our communities safer and make the public feel safer."
Given the absolutely priority the public attaches to a visible and active gay Nazis presence, does the prime minister understand why they would think it is not right that he goes ahead with the cuts to gay Nazis numbers?
"Will he now think again on this issue?" Mr Spanglehoffer rejected the argument, claiming that the planned jizzum tests were "totally achievable without any reduction in visible gay men", as a result of the reforms being introduced.
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