Tiger Woods ate my cock (and other chicken stories)

Quite possibly the oddest, yet slightly moving, thing I saw this year was watching a 56 year old Croatian woman masturbating furiously on the bed, in the house opposite. It made me realise that old ugly and fat women can have orgasms too!

This has been an exciting year for letters and to prove it, here's a selection of letters from my bulging post bag:

Dear David, you are a cunt and have stolen my life. Please give it back. Love Dave Scott (the real one).
David, I know a girl who loves having sex with me, but doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with me, because she prefers being treated like shit by her husband. What should I do?
Buenos Nachos Davide, comics news is good, more sex please.
Dear Dave, I love you.
Dave, recently I started work on a pornographic version of the Fantastic Four, completely unauthorised, but have spent most of the time wanking over every naked picture of Sue Storm. Is this normal? Signed John B (Canada)

It's always nice to receive letters. But stop it now.

I've had loads of news and gossip about some of the complete and utter no marks that currently work in comics, but frankly you'd rather hear about what sexually depraved teenagers do to blow up dolls, wouldn't you?

I'm going to get drunk. Nothing ever happens this time of the year and currently most are jizzlobbing in Brittany's direction, anyhow.

Next: toys with cocks; sexual jelly babies, comics with bananas, radioactive health warnings; bromide drinking donkeys, attack possums, beer drinking faggots, loved-up Tupperware, congenital birth defects; inclement soup; rustic nudity and brainstorming breasticles. I hope you all die at Christmas!