Smearing Beetroot on the Underpants of Life

You can't use your pooh
to make a nice stew
Your baby likes a bowl of curds
not chowing down on your turds
You have to be really thick
to drink your own sick
And remember about cum
it isn't supposed to go up your bum


When creating the atmosphere to allow yourself the pleasure of a massive wank, you must ensure there are objects that turn you on.

Sex with a miner can be dirty work, especially if he likes snorkeling for shit.

Apparently, Grace Jones's mother used Grace Jones when she was a baby as a dildo. Never had a qualm about using Grace's head as a douche.

I've just had a call from Frank Miller who claims he has a dozen chained niggers in his basement and he's going to cut their nipples off unless he gets more respect.

A gay man, a Muslim, a black man, and a disabled lesbian walk into a bar.

According to NASA you can see certain comic book legends' egos from space.

My mate Ralph, who works at the Golder's Green crematorium, was involved in Amy Winehouse's last big burn out. He hatched this plan to remove one of her arms, the one with most tattoos and after a six month gap he would sell it on eBay. However, he managed, with the aid of superglue, nails and a couple of brass screws to fashion her hand into that of a makeshift vagina and he's been banging Amy Winehouse's hand for the last few months. What he finds incredibly sexual is the way her hand is becoming more lubricated the more it rots.

Mega cuisine art mogul Adam Richman is to make a new series for the Filth Channel called Man vs Pooh, in which he challenges various spastics to shit eating competitions.

Mitt Romney has expressed his doubts and downright disgust at anal sex, claiming that people 'must be sick freaks to want to go near something that smells like the Devil's breath mixed with dog shit' and has challenged anal sex lovers all over the world to abstain from turd burgling and concentrate on replenishing Oklahoma's diminishing phlegm banks. He also went on to suggest that it was something more than curiosity to drive people to insert anything that isn't a penis into a vagina, "Why on earth would you want to put a small dog or a prosthetic arm there?"

One time British artist Simon Bisley, who famously bought the Batmobile has now bought Batman's cock, he intends to use it as a pacifier.

Some guy claims nerds are cool, try believing that when you get a mouth full of knob cheese when you give one a blow job.

Custardy, funnelly and endowments.

Yes. Now.