Warmongering fascist bully boy John Ridgway has hit back at his critics for deciding to stand for the British Fascist Party at the next General Election. Ridgway, 86, is also running as Presidente of Paraguay as he holds dual nationality.
Of course, this was a little known fact until recently when it was revealed by Frank Hampson's widow, that Ridgway's mother was a Paraguayan prostitute who was brought to the UK by the embryonic foetus of Neil Gaiman that was time travelling through the continuum.
Llama Bile
After serving more than 5 years for the attempted strangulation of his neighbour's pet warthog, Steve Englehart returns to freedom at the weekend and hopes to spend part of the first week gaining inspiration for a new golf comic from the US Masters at Augusta in Georgia. This major tournament was moved to the former Soviet republic after fears that TigerWoods' penis would be trampled in the stampede.
Englehart, 86, believes his new golf comic, about a man who loses his golf ball inside Susan Richards will cash in on the current trends, or it won't.
Jewish Plot
Brazilian Mike Deodato Junior says he could never leave his native Brazil because the Brazilian girls, who all sport Brazilians, are far better than other women in the world, apart from maybe Mauritius. "I love the fat bottoms of our women," he said clutching his trousers. "I spent a while living in New York, but the women there all smelled of fish and had big mouths - this is okay for the blow jobs, but when you hear woman scream at you like fog horn and then get no sex and has skinny bottom, you say fuck it go back to Brazil."
Deodato, 86, was recently accused in a Brazilian court of tax evasion and kidnapping girls from the beach.
Fight Spade
Butch Guice.
Diamond White
Jim Steranko has been on Letterman talking about the problems of incontinence when you reach a certain age. Steranko, 86, has been shitting himself for years - literally and metaphorically, because as well as having slack anal muscles, he was the man who kidnapped the 13 year old girl that Roman Polanksi had sex with in the 1970s. This wasn't actually a known fact about Steranko until I just made it up. The FBI are now considering applying for an allotment.
Fragile Womb
After years of total obscurity, Todd McFarlane, 86, has returned to comics with Cum-Guzzler - the Midget Whore, which will be drawn by Greg Capullo and inked by Walt Simonson. This comic does not include Spawn or pictures of a vaguely Spider-Man like character. In fact, it tells the tale of the superhero who gets her powers from semen; the more man fat she guzzles, the stronger she gets. The only problem is she's a total munter and under 4 feet tall, so she tends to attract nothing but sicko perverts, who she discovers all have slightly tainted sperm, which leaves her vulnerable to her arch-nemesis Discharge Girl and her sidekick Oaf the Wombat.
11 Pustules
A new 7-part adaptation of the life of Christ in a totally post modern way is being released by Fantagraphics by that known insane fucker Dave Cooper. The first part examines how he came to be conceived with the theory being a horny angel and some rohypnol were to blame. The second part is from a Christ eye view of his birth, which was difficult for Mary, 86, as she was also delivering hand jobs to the 3 wise men to pay for the stable. The rest of the series follows Christ as he stumbles from one carry on to another, before ending up in Carry On Follow That Camel and killing himself.
Norbert Institution: big jobs, small tits, porn star pussies, bursting vulva, itchy crack, smelling salts and beer battered cod.
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