Sometimes God is a duck and few people realise this. If more people were to realise this then the world would be a safer and more harmonious place; apart from foxes that should be eaten with big latex spoons.
Gland Relay
Comics grandee and strange kidney donor Lesbian Skink is returning to comics after a six year hiatus with a new range of comics from SpazCom; the company/publisher that claims it will produce comics to make you 'shit itch' and graphic novels that will 'shrink the piles of even the most IBS ridden trolls'. What all this means is a new line of comics from some of the industry's least well known names.
SpazCom's first and arguably its flagship title is Wobblier; an anthology title consisting of 5 strips and a made up letters page. One of the made up letter writers said, "I was blown away by the diversity and quality of this product. It has everything that is missing from comics produced by the Big 3 ish."
Wobblier features 3 continuous strips and two filler rubbish twaddle. The continuous strips are: Crap Man which tells the story of a very useless person; M for Mongoose which is about a titanic struggle between some bedsheets and a duvet; and Small Cock, the Man with No Time for Sex, which is about the struggle of the Samoan Islanders against a strange scaly man who offers them Calor Gas cookers.
Skink, known to millions as the man who revolutionised DCUK in the 1980s, is also responsible for the most popular comics magazine ever published. Launched in 1989, Hero Vomit is the most widely read magazine on the face of the planet, with sales exceeding 480million copies a month. It has more subscribers than the internet. In 2009, Skink was declared the 7th richest man in the world and the least likely to be invited to a barbecue.
Planned future titles from SpazCom include: Volleyball Tramps, Uncle Vanya's Diaphragm, August Smells, People with Tumours and the vastly anticipated Jim Lee, Jon Ostrander and Brian Augustyn collaboration, Knob Cheese Diaries. Roy Thomas, now regarded as the 3rd most likely comics legend to die soon, said, "They are pulling their punches; this is poor output from a company that promises so much and then hides on the swings in the girls' playground."
Ostensibly Aubergine
Marvel Comics, reeling from the threat of SpazCom and the resurgence of DC since the launch of Superman: Man of Porn, are releasing 72 new titles in June alone, increasing the company's monthly output to over 3211 comics and graphic novels. Marvel man Mark Munro said, "It's important that we continue to throw enough shit at the fan to make the fan's existence eligible. June is always an important month because comic fans have to hide away from the sun for longer and that causes friction with manufacturers of bathroom sponges and that's something we really don't really want to really happen, really." When asked just what the fuck he was going on about, he shrugged and took a revolver to his self and shot his self in the ear lobe.
The real highlights of Marvel's new clunge of titles include Goliath: Unstoppable IBS, Yellowjacket: The Case of the Shrinking Penis, Ant Man: Inside Jan's Uterus, The Avengers: Multiple Personality Enema, Hank Pym: Death Ray Eater and My Orthopaedic Adventures on Ice.
Callisthenics and Wine
Brian Bolland's new comic lives in Basingstoke and is inked by a small gecko called Clive.
Majesty Intercepts Swinburne
Comics about shit have for a long time been regarded as works of high art and this is something us at NFEX will not dispute; so there was much trepidation at the release of the new IDW title My Shit and Its Adventures in Salisbury. About the complicated relationship between a schizophrenic artist, his almost always naked girlfriend, Zoe, and the very large kebab poo that the artist just cannot bare to part with. The real twist in this tale is the fact that Zoe is a lesbian, but she just likes to show her naked body off to men over 40.
Nex Tissue: Barely legal teens, pussy galore, mammoth glands, large labia, ugly South African women, bass, womb vibration, pustules, Morgan free man, buy one get one lame, my lung, your leg, its leprosy riddled politician and why Keith Giffen has taken to wearing luminous incontinence pants and has a hummingbird called Pete.
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