Poop in My Stew

Loaded Man

Josh Whedon said, "The worst thing about it was being recommended a film that won't be made for four years."
Alec Baldwin offered, "The last time I saw my penis erect was before it was cut off by Claire Forlani."
John Byrne was not so forthright, "I saw a girl's knickers once, but I'll nae tell ye when."
You might think these are all random quotes, and you'd be wrong, because they were all said at a beer festival in Baden-Baden during the summer of 2008.

Wept in a Jar

The largest known mollusk in the world is planning world domination and only the rapping Urban Hip Hop Boy can save the day with his sidekick L'il Bitch.

I Bite My Nails

Our children believe pubic hair is an anathema; thousands upon loads every year are discarding their pubes for the bald, 6-year-old girl look and sparking annoyance in middle America because this proves categorically that all men are paedophiles, or at least those men that salivate over bare poon.

Girls! Having grown men salivate over your private parts is unhygienic; where do you think these people have put their mouths in the past? What if they hadn't flossed? Have you considered what it might be like to pull decomposing food out of your vagina?

Larch Tree Evacuation

When asked if he thought it was natural to thrust an erect member into a hole that was essentially designed as an exit route, Sir Ian McKellen, dressed as Magneto, assured me that the pleasure I would get from it would far outweigh the amount of shit on the bed clothes. I asked if this obsession with shit, blood and sperm was wholely normal and the bastard picked me up on my spelling.

Reich Stag

Mark Waid is petitioning the lord with prayer. He's asking for the word 'custardy' to be included in the same vein as 'jeopardy'. He explains, "If you're in custardy you are literally covered in custard and this has left you in a precarious position, possibly even your life is in danger." When asked by serious journalists if the scenario he paints is ever likely to happen, Waid countered with, "Come round my house on a Friday night and anything is possible, big boy!"

Donut Reprise

Pop Mhan eats eggs. Rachel Scowcroft divines. Martin Pasko is the name of an African Grey Parrot, Bill Sienkiewicz divides his time between train stations, Simon Coleby trains ducks, Mike Carlin inserts rings, Warren Ellis mangles wurzles.

I Want Your Blood

DC's new All-Star Cum Squad is likely to be banned after its depiction of President Obama as a white cocaine dealer with a fright wig. It will be the second DC book to be banned in recent weeks. It follows House of Fornication which was banned for cruelty to otters.

Subsequent Offerings: lard buckets, ping pongs, veritable haberdashery, uncontrollable urges, velcro mushrooms, illuminated torches and wax.