Sunday, 8 May 2011

Dance on My Bell End

We interrupt this programme to bring you an important announcement. Stan Lee has died and here's what some people have said:

"She was a marvelous woman, and a wonderful lover".
L. Sharp, Penrith.

"Once again DC is not upset enough for my liking, the company should have a bit more compassion, how would they have felt if it was someone's mother?"
S. Waugh, Richmond.

"I have been unable to masturbate for five days, and will not do so again until Stan is buried"
J. Boorman, Derbyshire.

"When Diana died I swore I would never smile again, but eventually I did. Then the Queen Mum went and it was worse. This news is so bad, I cannot imagine that I will ever smile for the rest of my life, but I will probably one day".
G.Paltrow, Hendon.

"He was one of the old school, all the remaining people are shit"
C.Claremont. Kissimmee.

"I thought he would never die, he has let us all down very badly"
S.Holmes, Somerset House.

"He was a trooper and he never gave up. I remember one time he was visiting a school and I asked him if he would like to make a visit to the cloakroom before he left. 'No' he replied, 'I didn't give in to the Nazis and I won't give in to the bladder'. That's how he was, a fighter, who refused to be beaten by anything. He pissed himself later though, it was sickening".
4. Skin, North Yorkshire.

"I am absolutely devastated, at least we could have got the day off".
S.Wilson, Bristol.

"How refreshing to be able to mourn the death of a comic book company employee without being accused of being homosexual".
E. John, High Wycombe.

"His death should act as a warning to others who think it is cool to experiment with drugs".
E. Piaf, Cheshire.

"On behalf on all blacks, I send the sincerest condolences".
T.Watson, Ilford.

"I am sure Mrs Stan Lee will not let this setback put an end to her public duties".
G. Wallace, Swansea.

"I hold Jack Kirby in no small way responsible for this terrible event"
Emma Thompson, West Lothian.

"We must do all we can, send blankets, food parcels, jumpers, anything to help these brave souls who are queuing up to walk past his coffin."
R. Thomas, Bath.

"Whichever way you look at it, it just is not as exciting as a tsunami".
N.Adams, West Virginia, mountain mama.

"He was one of us, and by that I don't mean he perpetrated insurance fraud or lied about expense claims. He was like us in a good way. God bless you Stan - the man!"
Peter "Robocop" Weller, Harlow.

"If only I could get my hands on that fish bone right now, you heartless bastard!"
B. Hitch, Cowdenbeath.

"He had such a difficult life, always battling against adversity and misfortune. Let us hope that if there is a next time round he is given a life of privilege and comfort"
T.S. Elliott, Hastings.

"Perhaps if we automated his old golf buggy it could still drive around New York on its own and bring pleasure to the tourists".
J. Quesada, Newark.

Lee was born Ernesto Massivoballs in 1900 shortly after the industrial revolution and just before Hitler died. Joe Hitler, Adolf's great grandfather was a watch maker in Boston, who emigrated to Austria because of a family problem involving baby donkeys and sheep oil. After moving somewhere, he stopped feeding the birds and worked there for ages. The end.

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