After being fired from writing The X-Men for craftily blackmailing the editor to publish the story Laughing While All the children are Mutilated by Cretins, Mark Waid is back!
The 57 year-old former blondy haired man is writing a new series with Ron Lim doing the artwork. My Daughter is a strange book and is coming out from Top Shelf, mainly because it could be sold no lower on the shelves.
Waid, who held a massive press conference at the SDCC recently to unveil the project, explained a couple of extra details with me now that the restraining order has been lifted. "Obviously, as I have no children of my own, I had to use my imagination a lot on this," he said while eating a large plate of pasta fazool. "Ron really wanted to be involved in this project, but I explained to him that I really wanted either a paraplegic or an amputee to draw it. He was a real sport, he had his back broken and one of his legs amputated. I asked him if he could do without his left hand, but he has trained himself to masturbate with that hand, so it seemed a bit unfair."
When I asked him exactly the story was about, he told me this, "I'm focusing on the period between her 13th birthday and when she loses her virginity. A fourteen hour period of time. The action starts with me dry humping my car because my daughter has just started sunbathing in the garden and I'd not noticed what a fantastic pair of tits she'd developed over the summer.
"What happens next is pretty predictable. I watch all the hot blooded males walking past my yard ogling at my daughter with massive erections, so I decide that I'm not going to be able to survive knowing that she's just waiting to be raped by one of these pricks, so I decide to be her first fuck."
I pointed out that the subject matter was a bit, you know, stereotypical, especially of American men, but he just shrugged and continued, "The problem is, once I decide to do it I have to make sure it's done properly; so I kidnap her, anonymously, of course, and then subject her to all manner of horrible tortures I could dream up before finally relieving her of her cherry. There's a real shock ending!"
I ask him if his daughter knows it's him all along and loves it so much, she continues having an incestuous relationship with him? He nodded and broke down in tears.
Slap and Tickle
Is the world ready for Super-Pope versus Evil Pope? And if it is will Frank Cho be able to hold onto his load for long enough?
Super-Pope travels the world righting wrongs and ignoring anything in the name of God, but Evil Pope has a plan to give condoms to all the jiggerboos in Africaland. Super-Pope and his team of buxom super wenches attempt to take Evil Pope out. But the battle goes wrong and Super-Pope ends up getting involved in a 3-way with a condom-wearing Evil Pope and one of his flock. He falls pregnant with the Anti-Christ and is eaten alive by thrushes, from hell.
Frank Cho has recently converted to Catholicism.
Global Scrotum
A film about an ambidextrous amphibious cartoonist debuts at the Cannes film festival next year. It has no bearing on reality. Gay television.
Extreme Epiglottis
Did we ever agree on what exactly a lignum was.
Consoling words from the archbishop were not going to stop Peter Parker from starting a lesbian relationship with a vending machine.
Adoring Pubic
The news that the new redesigned Captain America is going to have a penis has shocked the world. That Hickman fellow who is responsible for the revamp claims its the only way to get fans reading the star spangled spastic's adventures again. "We thought of having a cock shaped shield, but opted instead for the penis outside the over-trunks look. Dale [Eaglesham] had a riot drawing many comedy penises. We also have a supporting cast that includes a felating llama, sixteen eyeballs and the theft of chops from a local butcher. This is cutting edge stuff, baby!"
La settimana prossima: Bisogni di Constance; gli shrews di balletto, i ramoscelli rabbiosi, i grandi seni con panna montata, i femmes violenti, pesci del gruppo, li hanno lasciati fanno un panino da questo, il letame della mucca del rhinestone ed i monaci criminosi and not forgetting bustine di tè macchiate merda Russa!
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