Zomorph My Duckling

According to a good friend, bi-sexuals are 'just mucky buggers' and with logic like that how can you disagree with her?

A famous comicbook artist once said, 'I can't understand homosexuals that want to shove their cocks up each others arses. I mean that's just wrong. Do they have to do it? Can't they just do what normal people do?'

On his conviction for having sex with a seven-year-old nigger child, Mark Waid said, 'But she said she was 21!'

Beau Smith, who famously said, 'the only good Muslim is one stuck on the end of a spike', has never said anything else that anyone took any notice of.

Joyce Chen has had a new vagina carved into her calf.

To reject the call of Jesus is to piss in the face of your mother while beating her around the head with a stick covered in cat shit.

There is nothing dirty about pissing on people; urine comes from the only truly sterile part of a human body. That said, I wouldn't just walk up to someone in the street and piss on them. They might not understand. And frankly, there's nothing worse than walking around town on a cold day with a piss drenched trouser leg.

Women that allow themselves to be fucked by horses live quite normal lives.

Actually, sticking with that theme. Consider this; if you ever fuck a childless woman and it slips in far too easily and after you can put both hands up there and clap - what the fuck has she been putting up there to stretch the edges so much?

I know a man who bottles queefs.

Celebrity Cock Borrowing might be the next big thing. It is estimated that almost 30% of famous people now keep chickens.

With some judicious cutting you could get all four members of Abba into a dustbin; however, you might need an industrial blender.

Sarah Palin might be a disliked woman, but, after a few beers, you probably would, wouldn't you?

'I had sex with the whole of Razorback,' claims 14-year-old Frinton boy.

The only problem with eating a whole cat is its anus.

Don't you find there's something unsettling about transsexuals?

While standing naked on the side of the Materhorn, during the filming of a new film, Holly Vallance miscarried a child she wasn't aware she was expecting. Anti-abortionists in Georgia have called for supporters to kill her.

'The only way I could keep my husband interested in me sexually was to allow him to put insects in my cunt'.

Pop Mhan has such a small penis.

'Your neighbour wasn't a zombie and no it isn't a good excuse for putting a bullet in his head.'

Like horses, Alice Cooper shits wherever he feels he needs to and is followed around by a horde of mutant dung beetles.