Wart Terror

The Headlines:

• It's cold in Siberia
• Europeans are more likely to speak Dutch
• Children are smaller than adults unless they are midgets
• The sun is far far away
• Mable is a girl's name not used as much as it was
• Cigarettes are not food
• Governments are not made of plastic
• Cars are dangerous
• Seven is a prime number
• Never trust a man with egg on his face
• Newsreaders are often in a state of flux
• Seven is a prime number
• Star Trek is fictional at the moment
• Bruce Banner is an alliteration
• Mammary glands are attractive to certain people
• Dominoes can be used as doorstops
• Peanut butter has no butter in it
• Barack Obama is technically not a typical American name
• Horses are fond of cress
• Chefs are unkind
• TV is a form of entertainment
• Larches are indigenous British trees
• Seventeen is a prime number
• Quails lay eggs
• Dung beetles are not made of shit
• Slaven Bilic is Croatian
• Homosexuals tend to be well dressed
• Tall is a relative term
• Rain is melted snow
• Brain doesn't have muscles
• Frog spawn is not made of jelly
• David is a boy's name
• Canals are not rivers
• An ejaculation travels at 22 miles per hour
• Corduroy is a strange word
• 27 is NOT a prime number
• Bread is a food stuff
• Pus is inedible
• Feet smell if encased in plastic
• Spelling is relatively important
• Ducks lay eggs
• Chinese people look differently to people from Belgium
• Cricket is both a game and an insect
• Faecal matter is generally unpleasant to clean your teeth with
• Cows are not sacred
• I know people with problems
• A tempest is a storm
• A tampon is a collection vessel
• Glass is made from sand
• David Cronenberg is a film director
• Jack Kirby is still dead
• Rugby is a town and a sport
• Edam is a cheese
• Insanity is madness
• Eggs are protein
• Stew is a thick soup
• Rabbits have ears
• Walls have ears
• Corn has ears
• Ears have wigs
• Car stereos are becoming obsolete
• Vagrants tend to be homeless people with beards
• Hair is dead
• Teeth do not itch
• Is Nova Scotia an island?
• Hallowed be thy name
• Pain is unpleasant unless you are a masochist
• Stealing is theft
• God is a DJ
• Black hole sun is a misnomer
• Printers are cheaper than peripherals
• Women have vaginas
• Platypus is an egg laying mammal
• Coffee is a drink
• Toes are on the end of feet
• Men struggle to find clitorises
• Swine fever
• Zeppelins are an outmoded form of travel
• Cans are made of tin
• Potatoes are food
• 16 is a fair and legal age for sexual intercourse
• Political parties have ideological differences
• People are unpleasant
• 7 is a prime number
• Hearts are prone to attack
• Kidneys get stoned
• Venom is snake poison
• Comics are generally made of paper
• Worms die if you cut them in half
• Flour is an interesting contraceptive
• Horses do not have feathers
• It is very dry in the Atacama desert
• Saliva grows in your mouth
• Mushrooms are an entirely different life form than mammals
• Cold is the opposite of hot
• Lukewarm doesn't always mean temperature
• Some gay men have a fear of shit
• Horses have bigger cocks than chickens
• A woman discharges over 3 pints of unctuous liquid every year
• Squids are not sexual apparatus
• God probably doesn't exist and if he did he wouldn't approve of unnatural sex acts
• You cannot find a heart valve in an old radio
• Ice rinks are dangerous
• Humans will do increasingly strange things to orgasm
• Muslims are as bad as the rest of us
• Or alternatively, we're as bad as Muslims
• Hell is a state of mind
• Most men would run away if presented with their heart's desire
• Most women would fuck it silly
• Seven is a film by David Fincher
• Most women only have anal sex because their partners want to
• Hats are useful
• Rats are clean by comparison
• A dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's
• Sucking a used tampon is probably not wise
• Piles are nature's way of telling you you crap too much
• A yo-yo is a toy
• Violins are small violas
• Kraft make poor cheese
• Hake is a fish
• New Zealand is very far away
• Star wars is fiction
• Rape is illegal in some countries
• Nipples do not shatter when frozen
• Bye