I don't mind having sex with women as long as they don't mind having their arseholes ripped to shreds and having a mastectomy first.
It might look like chocolate, but it doesn't smell like it.
Ooh, he's done a woopsie on the carpet.
Can you suck my cock without grunting like a turkey?
There's a difference between being gay and sticking gerbils up your bum.
I don't like women, they smell.
All men are gay, some more than me.
Tom Hanks was only pretending to be gay; he never took one up the arse for his art.
Australians are really good at homosexuality.
I can understand why heterosexual men like women, but they discharge far more.
Lesbians are just sick.
All gay men like coffee.
If you suffer from piles I'm not sticking my cock in you.
If Superman was gay there wouldn't be any gay men left.
Contrary to what they tell you, most gay men are paedophiles.
However, most paedophiles are not necessarily gay.
I knew a woman once who liked taking it up the arse - was she gay?
Having a cock up one's bottom is a little like IBS.
A lot of gay men are really camp and irritating.
Things A Paedophile President of the USA Might Say...
I'm in charge, give me naked children.
I'm in charge, give me masked naked children so i don't have to look at their faces while I'm fucking them.
I'm in charge, bum Russia now.
My wife doesn't understand me and my children run away when I get close to the house.
I have a lot in common with Richard Nixon, except he was corrupt.
I like to masturbate to children's television.
My chief of staff supplies me with a lot of 6 year olds.
If there's one thing I hate about being president, its the bad grammar.
Things Dorothy L Sayers Whispered to Her Dog...
I like having sex with you' you have a very strange penis.
My books are all about sucking animals cocks.
I like having ice rubbed on my nipples; ice made from dogs' urine.
I have a lot in common with you, I like to drag my arse along the floor rather than use toilet paper.
I wish I had a cock so you could lick it.
Are you staying for tea or do I have to suffer again?
Items of Clothing That Paul Levitz Has Been Arrested For Stealing...
A bra.
A tin of cod roe.
Five.
Knickers.
A dog collar encrusted with excrement.
My wife.
A heavy metal sweatshirt.
Bad spelling.
A coat made from leeches.
A four year old girl's leotard after she had an accident.
A microscopic piece of Barbara Streisand's underwear.
Nice tea.
The Last Time Elvis Presley Farted These things Appeared in Memphis...
Lard in tin cups.
Cupid pictures.
A Tennis racket covered in whale sperm.
A doughnut.
More doughnuts, this time covered in iron filings.
The Nashville Teens.
A big dollop of pooh.
Nasal hair.
A collection of pornographic out takes from Star Trek films.
Bill Oddie.
Part of Kate Moss's arteriolar.
The nipple of doom.
Brasso.
Things Jesus Liked to insert into the end of his Penis...
Donkeys
Elves
Machine gun bullets
German film makers
Yoghurt with dried fruit
Cunts
Mary's discharge
John the Baptist's tongue
JRR Tolkien
Lamb
Tweed jackets
Horse flesh
Naan breads
Itching powder
Plane Tree root
Roofing tiles
Spaghetti - cooked
A yard broom
Black men
Rhesus monkeys
How to Wash a Troll...
Karen Brady
Karen Carpenter
Mary Chapin Carpenter
Helen Baxendale
Jennifer Jason Leigh
John Lassiter
Buzz Lightyear
Cory Haim
Morgo Vittenson
Peter Jackson
Desmond Dekker
Steve the Alligator
A pair of soiled Jeans - Simmons and Boht
Ill fitting scarves
Nanoseconds
Desperate measures
The Last Time A Gay Jesus Appeared in a Film about Kiddie Fiddlers...
A book of lists
Cartoonists with incurable diseases
Bacon fat
Blue Peter presenters sniffing gussets
Sesame Street gets banned because of sperm jokes
Marvel Comics employee charged with phlegm related offences
Arguing moles
Testosterone fuelled gang warfare
Insert penis
Lecturing on the downside of clowns
Eleventh hour psychos
Jesus was an impostor
American ignorance
French passion
German honesty
Zimbabwe
Cars with brains
Die
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